Monday, July 30, 2007

Corporate words I hate

Today's word: Critical

If you assumed the true meaning of the word critical every time it was used in the corporate world, there would be either dead guys in suits all over the damn place or we'd all have extra limbs due to nuclear fallout. Critical should refer either:

--to a person at risk of death due to illness or injury: After I hit him over the head with my laptop for using a word incorrectly, he was in critical condition


--to having enough fissionable matter to sustain a reaction

It also can refer to a person who criticizes: I am critical of those who misuse words. Depending on your dictionary, you may or may not get a definition that's somewhat close to what the man in the suit is trying to say, but it really isn't the right word. If it's critical that we get this report done by Friday, we're in hella trouble.

Seriously folks, the word you are looking for is crucial. Crucial refers to an extremely important decision or result. Again folks, please take care of our words. It's the only thing that really separates us from the animals.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Less than 50!

49 days from today, thats 1,176 hours, I will be on my way. Only 30 more days of corporate whoredom to get through. It can't come soon enough, yet I'm sure it will go by faster than I could imagine.

Left to do:

-Get med and life insurance (since I'll be totally unemployed for ?? months/years)
-Figure out what I'm going to take with little as possible.
-Get some last details straightened out with my banks.

...I think that's about it. I'm in pretty good shape, huh?

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Senioritis v3.0

In 2001, I remember sitting through my last semester of high school, longing to be done with full school days and dress codes. Senioritis had hit.

Four years later, it was wave two. Just one more semester and I'll be free of school and making a paycheck! The first round paled in comparison. It sounded so glamorous to be in the big-kid world--I got business cards, a laptop, a phone... The honeymoon was shortlived.

Now, just a bit more than two years after that, I feel as though I'm having senioritis all over again. This time, it's big and it's bad. I'm down to 54 days now, and it cannot come soon enough. I've all but checked out at work. There are several things I have to get done before I leave so I don't look like a schmuck. I'll get them done, but I can't promise I'll have fun doing them. I can almost smell the jet fuel and taste the airplane food aboard my Air New Zealand B-777. At least I don't have any final exams to cram for.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Corporate words I hate

During my last couple months in Corporate America, I thought that I would do some venting. This will be a periodical feature about terrible words used in the corporate world. Corporate America uses tons of cliches and misuses words like it will raise the stock price. As a writer, this makes me feel very sad.

Today's word: Learnings

Learnings is not a word. Even Microsoft Office knows that! It gives you the squiggly red lines people! Learning, singular, can be a noun if we are referring to academic activity. Like an instition of higher learning. Other than that, learning is the present participle of learn. It is a verb. Can't we just leave our poor verbs alone?

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

The answer is "no"

I really don't know what I'm going to be doing in New Zealand. I'm pretty much just going to show up and see what happens. My things to have planned before going probably will be limited to my (one-way) plane ticket and my first few nights accomodation in Auckland. Crazy? You bet!

It's probably going to be a bit shocking to my corporately brainwashed mind. In Corporate America, we live by Microsoft Outlook. It's not unheard of to have meetings scheduled months in advance, and recurring conference calls are sprinkled on my calendar liberally. What am I going to do when I don't have that friendly little box to tell me what I have to do in 15 minutes??

What do I imagine I'll be doing in New Zealand? All sorts of things, and hopefully a lot of firsts. I will be working at some point; I don't want to come out of this endeavor broke. I'd like to do some homestays where I could work for my room and board. I might also like to get some restaurant or resort work. I want to go zorbing, for sure. I want to go snow skiing/boarding as I've never been. I want to drink a lot of Speights with new friends.

But how will I decide what to do when without Outlook's help? Well, when I get bored of what I'm doing, I'll move on. Maybe I'll catch a ride with the next person out of town. Maybe I'll look at job boards. Maybe I'll revisit somewhere else I enjoyed. Maybe I'll take a week in Australia. My calendar's totally empty.

Monday, July 09, 2007

One step closer

I couldn't have asked for a better reaction from my boss when I told her of my plans today. She's very excited for me. It's great that I can now speak openly about what I'm doing. My last day here will be Aug. 31, so I will have a week to chill and tie up the loose ends before I head down south.

On another note, I apologize for the stagnancy of the posts...Things will pick up as I get closer to my departure, which happens to be two months from today!